The heart of the Moon
by Kitsune1978
Summary: Usagi's thoughts about Seiya and Mamoru.


Summary: Usagi's thoughts about Mamoru and Seiya.

_Usagi was sitting at her desk, looking at Mamoru's photo and listening to the message on his answering machine for the hundredth time._

Why don't you answer, Mamo-chan?

Why don't you write? Even a single word?

Why don't you call me?

I'm afraid something terrible has happened to you and we'll never see each other again. I'm afraid you're neither in USA nor any place. I'm afraid to get the message from your university that you are sick... lost... or... the worst... dead.

No. It's impossible. Not you, who were always by my side. Not you, who were the light of my life. Not you, who gave me courage to fight and win.

Sometimes... but only sometimes... I think you've fallen in love with someone... but not me... You gave me the ring, right... But the time and space can easily change man's mind and heart. I hope not yours...

I miss you, I really do. And... There is a reason I want to see you so badly. This reason's name is Seiya.

After you disappeared he has come. Always joking, teasing me – cool pop star with an extra level of arrogance. I thought it was hate from the first sight. My mind was too busy to pay attention to him. New enemies came... Stronger than the ones I've fought before. More cruel, cold-hearted, persistent, with such terrible will to kill and destroy. New Sailor Senshi appeared... They reminded me of Haruka and Michiru when I met them for the first time. Sailor Starlights... They were also distant and stubborn. And devoted to their mission... whatever it was.

And the most important thing that happened was you... You vanishing in the sky, going to that strange place named USA. I never told you that, but I was jealous. I still am. You left me behind and went to study. I know studying is important... everybody insists on that... but for me YOU are the most important. I would never go someplace abroad without you.

True, you gave me the ring. That meant you're always with me, I hope. That we are engaged. But it's only the piece of gold. It is no comparison to you... to your gentle smile, to the warmth of your embrace, to your scent...

I want someone to support me. Not the girls... They are my true friends and they will always be. But they can't give me the feeling I had when I was with you... The feeling that I am the most beloved person, the most wanted, the most desired, the most important.

And this is how it comes to Seiya...

I don't know when it happened but we started to get closer and closer. He was always near... as if it was destiny. He said we met the first time in the airport but I couldn't remember. In spite of my unfriendly attitude he always tried to pull me with him. He used the fact Minako, Makoto, Ami and even Rei are great fans of Three Lights and never miss the chance to be close to them.

I didn't understand. Why was he doing that? Maybe I broke his pride. Before I realized who he really was we had met a few times and he was always astonished that I don't know him. Maybe that was the reason... Even after I knew he is Seiya Kou, the famous and popular pop idol, I didn't join Three Lights fanclub. What for?

I started to like him without recognizing it. I get used to him always being near... even though I didn't like his teasing and picking me up. He wasn't serious at all... he didn't seem to be. To say the truth I was a bit angry he isn't serious about me... It would be cool to be the girl who the pop star is dreaming of, right? But I was also glad it isn't anything serious. I thought I have Mamo-chan, and I still believed in our love.

The letter from him never came.

And then... Seiya started to change a bit. His voice lowered and softened while speaking to me, there was a new look deep in his eyes... mild and tender... He didn't tease as much as before. He invited me to spend with him his day off. And I... I agreed.

And there it was! The change in his attitude that everybody could notice. That made me feel uncomfortable and anxious. I didn't want to break his heart although I still didn't know if there is a reason to panic. I tried to convince myself that he is just a friend and his feelings for me are friendly. Nothing more, nothing less.

I made it up. We were just friends. The peace filled my heart. Until... Until that flight. I was extremely feared and worried about what Sailor Aluminum Siren will do. He swore he'd protect me... and he did. He revealed his hidden identity... Sailor Star Fighter. That was shock. It still is...

He attempted to tell me the truth before that flight many times. And I always refused to listen to him. I was afraid of the words that could come. I thought it would be words of love. And... I was afraid of him saying about friendship. My heart was torn apart.

I felt guilty. I couldn't see Mamoru's face in my imagination any longer. I had to glance at his picture to remember how he looked like. In my imagination I can only see Seiya's face... His sparkling blue eyes, almost as blue as Mamoru's, but the shade is different... Black long hair, drawn in ponytail... They are so similar, but only in appearance. Behaviour is totally different, so is the heart. Seiya is much better in hiding the affectionate, sensitive, vulnerable part of his heart. He behaves much like cold, egoistic, arrogant, self-confident macho. That was why I didn't like him first. I thought he was like an empty shell, which could be only filled with admiration and love from his fans.

Actually... Discovering that soft part of his soul made me feel surprised, confused and... caring. I looked at Seiya Kou with different eyes. Occasionally I let him comfort me and ease my sorrow. It feels so good... I am caring and so he is in return. He is tender and so I am... in return...

Isn't that the way the love is born?

That thought makes me feel treacherous but it is truth about me. I can't help thinking it is Mamoru's fault. If only he didn't leave...

But he left. And didn't come back. And – the worst – I didn't get the smallest sign of life from him.

My Seiya is always here. Even now I can feel waves of energy flowing from him to me, revealing his true feelings better than any words. In fact there weren't any words exchanged... not yet. But sometimes... forgive me... sometimes I find myself waiting impatiently for that exchange... I refuse to remember my future which is already decided. I refuse to remember anything except that warm, passionate, tender and loving wave of emotions while being with him...

_The tear fell on Usagi's lap, then another and another. Mamoru's photo deserted somewhere on the floor._

Seiya... I miss you... Even if you are Sailor Star Fighter, even if you have your princess to love and your mission to fulfill, even if Haruka and the others are extremely angry about that, I still miss you... I cannot help it... I try not to think about our possible future. Even if we were together... would you leave your home planet Kinmoku and stay here on Earth? Would I leave my friends, family and everything I kept precious within my heart and make for Kinmoku with you?

You know, Seiya... We are just two passers-by. We met at the station, each one in his own journey, waiting for the train... Even if we fall in love with each other, our destiny is to part and never come together again... It's strange... I don't know why but that truth breaks my heart to its deepest bottom...

THE END

July 2006

Kitsune1978


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